I just bought eight yards of green sparkly tulle to make a tutu for a Christmas party on Friday. It’s an ugly sweater Christmas party, but honestly? I always have a hard time with that theme. I don’t feel cute in someone else’s gross sweater; I’m sorry.
I know, I KNOW - that’s the point, Ugly [...]
There’s Your Karma.
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Tag Archives: random
GIVE US A TV SHOW, ALREADY.*
That Just Happened.
INTERIOR. TACO BELL/KFC HYBRID RESTAURANT. BESS AND JENN SCOUR THE MENU FOR TODAY’S LUNCH.
BESS (to JENN): You should get the Black Jack Big Box!
JENN: (squints at menu) What? Oh. It’s a…black taco? Huh.
THE VERY DAPPER AFRICAN AMERICAN MAN WAITING IN LINE JUST IN FRONT OF THEM TURNS AROUND.
MAN: Black is in now.
JENN BLUSHES, GIGGLES NERVOUSLY.
MAN: [...]
Fight or Flight or Bite.
Disclaimer: This entry doesn’t really make sense. I’d say it’s stream of consciousness but the term “stream” makes it sound so lovely and poetic. It’s less “stream” and more…”spitbubble.”
————————————————————–
Aforementioned: My fight-or-flight switch is turned permanently to flight. Also? I’ve added a new sector to the acute stress response, “bite,” wherein I repond to stress by [...]
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I approached two men today at work and asked them if they needed help.
One of the men had a scab around his lip.
I tried not to stare while I talked to him, and led both of them to the DVDs.
“It’s not herpes, if that’s what you’re thinking,”
said the scabby man’s friend.
I laughed nervously and the other guy said,
“Aw, [...]
313
Make sure I have all my papers
Laying out my summer clothes
Search for traps in vain like scratching
So my suitcase I can close
~ Rufus Wainwright, “Barcelona”
Today, I start packing for my trip to Hawaii…
… I went to the mall today in search of perfect brown wedge sandals. After two hours, I finally found THE pair, but the sales associate [...]
It’s Hard Out Here for a Gimp.
I re-injured my knee playing volleyball.
And it wasn’t even *real* volleyball! It was a morning meeting volleyball game at Best Buy, which consists of bumping a yellow feather-light ball over a stretch of packaging tape. Me and a co-worker were both going for the ball, and the next thing I know, I am on the ground….with [...]
They call me Noteeth McHarelip
I found out today that there is a rumor circulating around my hometown that I am a stripper!
…Fucking sweet!
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LAST WEEK RECAP:
+1 busted kneecap (includes a slight limp and one HELLUVA scab that I wanna pick pick pick)
+1 head cold (I feel like my head is in its own little tunnel!)
+1 car that REFUSES to start
+1 55-hour work week
+1 RASH! I kid you not! I have a very, very mild, barely-itches, rash. It’s spreading. (SCABIES!)
For [...]
In which I end the post with a bad Fleetwood Mac lyric….
Apparently, March is not my month for grace.
I was walking to my apartment around midnight last night when I decided to take my normal shortcut behind the Halfway House. I don’t live in the guh-het-toh necessarily. I just live next to a house of 2938473 recovering drug addicts, of which 29384260 are outside smoking at any given time. [Except, [...]
263
All last Thursday, I was running around work saying that I wanted to go dancing. That night, Damon and I headed to the Walnut Street Tap, previously known as Cracksis Axis Nightclub…One long island and I was ready to go. I was a hip-shakin snake of a thing, writhing around like a hoodrat, hoodrat, hoochie [...]
239
I’ve been thinking of my Dad alot, lately. I’m not really sure why; I guess I just miss him. I was hardboiling some eggs today when I thought of something he told me once…
“We were so poor when I was growing up,” he began, “that the day after Easter, we’d go around to the neighbor kids’ houses, [...]
In Which I Post that Picture of Me when I was Three…Again.
It’s not so much embarassing that I spilled a whole container of dried parsley flakes all over my kitchen floor…no, the embarassing thing is, as I was sweeping it up, I pondered — for a split second — if I could feasibly salvage said parsley flakes. As if I could scoop them up and put them [...]
