Let’s get one thing straight: I am NOT ready for a baby. I’m entirely selfish and flighty, and I abuse various substances on the regular. But I’m also twenty-seven — that age where I’m BOMBARDED with ultrasound photos and status updates of, “ZOMG Baby X rolled over for the first time and the happiness it gave me was akin to being smothered in puppies!”

More often than not, I will slosh around the wine in my glass and slur loudly at my monitor: “SHHuddup. Who, whooo diyoo think YOU are? MOTHER EARTH?!” But on some occasions my biological clock is all, “TICKITY-TOCK, JENNY!”

This would be one such occasion. Actor Jason Schwartzman at Amoeba Music (one of my favorite places of all places), picking out records for his baby-to-be:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y0OrN9Ucnyg

I thought about that Beatles ‘65 album,  how I own my dad’s copy from when he was fourteen,  how I want MY baby to have it TOOOOO, and then my ovaries multi-fired, like, fourteen eggs.

(Video via The Daily What, which, if you haven’t yet discovered, is an hourly treasure trove of Internet baubles.)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZYL3j27sSH8

www.youtube.com/watch?v=XRjb8sMjYu8

FACT: I had the sheet music to the Linda Ronstadt/James Ingram version of this and played the guitar solo ON MY CLARINET. (COOL POINTS — RACKIN’ UP, AMIRITE, GUYS?)

I’m going to tell you the top five reasons I am now obsessed with this song and its corresponding video.

Because if anything, this blog is TOPICAL.

Jenn’s Top Five: “You Don’t Know My Name” Edition

www.youtube.com/watch?v=qhOvpXETKYI

1) 0:00 Let’s get one thing straight: THIS VIDEO IS STUPID. But the song is a soul-stirring gem. (Co-written by Kanye West, John Legend on BG vocals, FTW.)

2) 0:33 Face it, you’d have that reaction too if you watched Mos Def slo-mo walk into your diner.

3) 1:05 I love songs that replace feelings with interjections. Like, “It feels like oooooh, but you don’t know my name.” (see also, “My love is like whoa.”)

4) 3:00 BASEMENT OF PIANOS. And it only takes one.

5) 3:37 MOTHERFUCKING SPOKEN WORD INTERLUDE. “You always order the special, wit da hot chocolate.”

Please note: My infatuation with this romantic diner situation is COMPLETELY UNRELATED to Young Gun at the Steer-In and the possibility of me dating a black dude.

I’ve also been scouring the YouTubez for rare rehearsal video, and I just love this clip of Paul noodling around during the While Album sessions.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=A-7GDl1kPuE

This is a classic,”Lah-di-dah, I’m just going to sit in this corner and be a genious” McCartney moment. “What’s that, George Martin? Oh, I was just playing around with this bit. Going to be a musical gem for the ages. Boom, McCartney’d.”

Speaking of the White Album, my friend Andrew, who works with my FAVE PROFESSOR, Glenn Gass, sent him my Ultimate White Album post. (More like, he mentioned it offhand, and I yelled, “You HAVE to send him this, I MUST know that he’s read it.”)

And The Great Professor said: Now that’s great! What a nice thing--thanks. And I would buy her album(!)

My Life = Infinitely Better.

PS. If you’re reading this, and you live in Indianapolis, you should HEAVILY consider coming out to Lockerbie Pub tonight. You can see my new bangs (Beau convinced me to get them again), and there will be dancing.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=owGykVbfgUE

It also inspires some  gorgeous artistic tributes, like one of my favorites -  Veronese’s Scorn.

Cupid FTW

Lately I’ve been playing with the idea that love is only romantic when it’s unrequited.

It’s all very tragic and stupid.

AHEM.

THAT SAID? Go watch this awesome piece on last night’s So You Think You Can Dance, before the big bad network pulls it. Beautiful. Choreography by Sonya Tayeh.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=ttEzHRASovc

(Link to video here.)

My response to crisis lately has been the following:

1) Put Plastic Ono Band on the turntable.

2) Put the needle on track two.

3) Lie supine on the hardwoods.

4) Breathe.

5) Repeat.

I might get up to smoke a lone cigarette in between 4 and 5. Might.

BUT! BUT! BUT!

Those moments have become few and far between in the past couple months.

I haven’t written because…well. I’ve been writing. Not for this blog. You’ll hear more on that later.

I haven’t written because sometimes I think I’ll forget how. I don’t think this ever goes away. I’m learning to deal with that.

Those who have stuck with my flighty blogging habits know that when I break out of hibernation it’s for something truly superficial.

THUS. I PRESENT:

MY NEW FAVORITE THING.

B4-4.

Yeah, you grip that futuristic hula hoop.

B4-4 was a boy band from Canada. There are three of them, which I guess is the INGENIOUS WORDPLAY behind their moniker (Before Four = Three? Maybe I’m giving them too much credit.)

Anyway. This is my Favorite Thing This Week:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqRbpKDB5Zg

Oh, HOW I LOVE THIS VIDEO. Let me count the ways:

0:13 WHO THREW AWAY THIS PERFECTLY GOOD VIEWFIN-- UH-WHAAA SCARY ORANGE GUY!

0:24 BOOM, Foreshadow’d: “Setting your spirit free” is a motif of this video. Just a For Your Information.

0:36 CHORUS:

If you get down on me
I’ll get down on you
I will do anything
That you want me to
It’s a game of give and take
To make it through
So if you get down on me
I’ll get down on you tonight

YOU GUYS. YOU GUYS. It’s about ORAL SECKS. Wearing only puka shells, no doubt.

0:54 - “Nighttime turns to day again.” Funny how that happens.

1:05: I’m convinced that guy is only there for creepy call-outs.

1:35: Um, pedophiles?

1:40: “Gonna make you come tonight” “Over to my house!”

3:08: PEEYIMP!

So what happened to these guys?

After breaking up from the band, twins Ryan and Dan Kowarsky formed the group RyanDan together and have been working on an album consisting of pop and classical music. Ohad Einbinder (who is now a model) has also worked on pursuing his musical career in Los Angeles.

In July 2007 RyanDan recorded a collaboration with solo artist Ryan Richter. The subsequent concept album was titled RyanDanRyan.

-- Wikipedia.

Sometimes this sh*t writes itself, people.

It’s good to be back.

It was like my television memories were being held nicely for twenty years like water in a reservoir, until that one hole that I patched with gum had just sprung a leak. Then we consulted YouTube and the whole damn thing busted open. And I’m all, “YEAH! THIS WAS IT! TOTALLY…THIS..this…wow.  This is sh*t is f*cked up.”

www.youtube.com/watch?v=attoEWTbhrs

[Link to Video.]

The more these memories come flooding back, the more I realize that a lot of the shows I watched as a kid were seriously creepy. Today’s Special, anyone?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=_cxLfIs051c

[Link to video]

Then there was The Letter People.  Readers, I can’t tell you what I had for breakfast this morning, but I can tell you that the first day of Kindergarten in 1988, we watched The Letter People episode featuring Mr. M.  Granted, by the time I got to Kindergarten I could already read.  I like to imagine my five year old self, clad in Oshkosh B’gosh, sitting with crossed arms on the back row of floor mats and looking at my fellow classmates as if to say, “Can you believe this sh*t?”

www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmBfW3xJlz0

[Link to Video]

Seriously — What was with the disturbing puppetry of the 70s and 80s?

What odd childhood memories of television have resurfaced for you lately?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5rqk4nGBZ0

[Direct link]

I’m pretty sure this is the modern day equivalent to the “Bee Girl” from that Blind Melon video.

I was watching the Concert for Bangladesh while getting ready for work this morning, and had totally forgotten how Billy Preston breathed new life into the show with this perfect number. While I’m still trying to place myself in the grand scheme of religion/spirituality, art is what makes me feel closest to whatever God is. This song takes me to Church.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYxzPdv67yA

[Direct Link]

www.youtube.com/watch?v=MleXPVxLGX0

(Direct Link)

I have plenty of things to discuss, but they will have to wait for another day.  For now, I’m completely exhausted and winding down by watching the Let It Be film on YouTube.

I thoroughly enjoyed this clip of George Harrison helping Ringo Starr with the chord progressions of “Octopus’s Garden.”  The exchange is kind of adorable, even though you get the sense that George is basically indulging Ringo with this song about an undersea hideaway.  Priceless look around 1:50 when the two play the song for George Martin.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=oV9BnBw7LBU

[Link to video.]

I imagine that’s what Seth McFarlane & Co. had in mind when they wrote this:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=68edB_Q1e4g

[Link to video.]

However, it’s stuff like this that makes me proud to be in the industry:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=orukqxeWmM0

[Link to video]

[via my pal, Eric Phillipson]

My apologies to the following people, who searched for:

#1.  “Johnny Angel Gay”

Sorry this led you to my page about that dream I had where I made out with Johnny Depp in a golfcart. It was very hetero.

#2. “Jess Bloomington Stripper”

Yes, all three of those things were discussed here.  I have two friends named Jess, and I used to live in Bloomington. And okay, there was that ONE TIME I GOT DRAGGED TO NIGHTMOVES.

#3.  “Sharon, Lois & Bram”

Apparently, there is still much interest in them.  Get those Canadians back TOGETHER. I smell reunion.

#4.  “where did celine dion spend christmas 2008″

Sorry I crushed your heart with my “How Celine Dion Ruined Christmas” story. (PS “RUIEENED!”)

#5. “Pie chart of my favorite bars” + “Bar graph of my favorite pies”

Hi. I love you, because, I, TOO found this to be HILARIOUS and WONDERFUL.

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