Tomorrow is my 28th Birthday. Here is an open letter to myself. (First half.)

Dear Jenny,

1. Forget about being cool. The real you is awkward; embrace it. You know how there’s nothing more painful than watching someone try SO HARD to be cool? Yeah. Don’t do that.

2. Time and time again you’ll think about going vegan, and then you’ll remember how the priest at your grandma’s funeral charged you with the task of learning her famous meatball recipe. You’re never going to be vegan. That’s okay.

3. Figure out a way to get back to Europe. Europe was the best, wasn’t it?

4. The great thing about being an only child is that you get to choose your brothers and sisters. You have some of the best. Never forget this.

5. Stop apologizing so much. You’re fine. You’re fine.

6. One of life’s biggest disappointments is realizing that boys sometimes really are like the after-school specials, in that they’ll say anything to sleep with you, and you will. And they will subsequently forget about you, and it will hurt.

7. That said, remember the men who have shown you love, who have shown you what it means to be a decent man. Don’t confuse the boys with the men.

8. Fine-tuning your tolerance for alcohol has been one of the biggest gifts you have given yourself. You haven’t puked since March 2009. Keep it up.

9. Remember that one time you had that Abbey Road Side-B sing-along at the top of Matt Wilson’s stairwell? Those are life’s Peak Moments. Commit yourself to having more of them.

10. Make more photographs.

11. Know when to hold ‘em. Know when to fold ‘em. Know when to walk away. Know when to run.

12.  Quit freaking out about your body. Everyone’s too busy being insecure about his or her body to worry about your body.

13. Someone you greatly respect once told you, “You are your own force.” Make this your mantra for Year 28.

14. When in doubt, put on the red lipstick. It’s never steered you wrong.