I’m sitting in the kitchen of my childhood home with my parents. I’m laughing in this picture because at this exact moment my photographer father yelled, “YOU NEED SOFTER LIGHTING!” while my mother was simultaneously yelling at me for leaving the refrigerator door open.

That’s home.

“What are you writing about?” she asked me just now. “I’m writing about how you’ve already yelled at me twice about the fridge and how you indirectly called me a socialist this morning.”

“I don’t wanna be a part of no BLAWG!” she cried. She also just asked me if the Gwen Stefani song that’s playing now was Wilson Phillips. It’s NOT MY FAULT YOU’RE FUNNY, MOM.

Anyway, I’m waiting for my friend Jess to pick me up to head to a bridal shower/bachelorette party.

I hope there’s going to be penis straws and lots of squealing.