From this point on, every time Apolo Anton Ohno tweets, I’m going to @reply him with sexual innuendo. I’m not really sure why. I just want to.

EDIT: For your convenience, I will be compiling my twirts* into a separate section called “Seducing Apolo Ohno” which you will find over yonder —>

* Twitter + flirt! Twirt! I totally made that up. *quick Google search*…Dammit.

Yeeaaaah you want it

Guess I’ve always had a thing for boys on skates…

See: an excerpt from my diary during 1992 Winter Olympics.

Jenny, age 8, on figure skating:

Feb. 16, 1992

Dear Diary,

Today I got in to the figure skating mood. These are the people I like. Christopher Boulmen  (I don’t know how to speel it) is a babe. But he knows he’s a babe, that’s the truble. See he knows it and he makes himself smile to make the crowd cheer. But then he doesn’t do a good job. So I watched him yesterday, he didn’t even win a meadal! But I have to admit, I’m in love with him.

Okay so the favorite skaters…Scott Halitton (But he’s not a babe), Paul Wylie (from U.S.A.), Viktor Petrenko (Russia), Petr Barbo (Czechoslovakia). Now to the one girl I like: Kristi Yamaguchi.

A few things.

1) My comment about Christopher Bowman was DEFINITELY regurgitated from my mother, who no doubt clicked her tongue at his cheesy showmanship. I think it was her way of saying, “Don’t be so flashy that it impacts your performance. That’s not a good quality, Jenny.”

“Jesus. Let the man be showy!” I thought just now, rebelling against something my mother said EIGHTEEN YEARS AGO. “What’s ol’ Chris Bowman up to now?” Apparently he died in LA of a drug overdose. Sooooo that happened.

2) Sorry for the diss, Scott Hamilton.

Stay tuned for Part II , which includes a simultaneously sad and adorable hockey crush.