Let me let you in on a little secret regarding sushi in Indianapolis. One of my favorite places to pick up a couple of basic rolls is this little Japanese grocery store/cafe called One World Market in Castleton. It’s nestled in a strip mall next to a now-defunct Linens ‘n Things, but let me tell you, it’s a GEM. In a city full of highly Americanized sushi rolls (the “Hoosier Roll” is a pork tenderloin wrapped in seaweed and then deep fried, right?), it’s nice to patron a local  store run by Japanese people where Japanese people actually shop and eat. (My readers from “The Big City” are no doubt  scoffing at this, but I must point out that the majority of  sushi consumption in Indy = white suburbanites stuffing their face with California rolls in overpriced pan-asian restaurants.)

Yesterday on my way home from work, I stopped by and ordered three rolls for dinner. I also pondered just picking up like a pound of sashimi-grade salmon and going to town on it. (That’s right, I’m single, fellas!)  I sat in the little cafe while my rolls were being prepared, and…. in walked the most gorgeous Asian man I’ve ever seen in my life.  [Is that racist? Is it racist to make a point that he was Asian? When that is one of his defining physical qualities, and that he was very, insanely attractive?]  When he walked in, the door chimes morphed into singing angels and he was moving in slow motion and every head instinctively turned to look at him.  He was older, charming, and appeared to be very wealthy and important. When he smiled, the lady taking orders at the front counter was reduced to a giggling, stuttering puddle. (From my translation, obviously. Cough.)

I will call him the Asian Silver Fox.

After placing his order he sat close to me. The Asian Silver Fox smelled of heaven and rainbows and I had nothing to say.  What could I say, really - in a store full of crazy, weird, wonderful Japanese things I could not read or understand? “How about these MOCHI BALLS?!”

My order was called and I approached the counter.  I had ordered three rolls - which, yes, is a lot of sushi but I didn’t eat much yesterday and two rolls wasn’t enough and three was probably too much, but you know what, it’s no one’s business, am I right, I mean, can’t a girl just stuff her face with spicy salmon rolls after a hard day? Bagging my order, the woman asked, “How many sets of chopstick you need?”

The self-conscious part of my brain is weird, because I could’ve sworn that for a split-second, a very quiet voice in my head said, That’s a lot of food, just say you need two sets of chopsticks. But instead, the brazen-out-of-embarrassment part, the part that shouldn’t ever speak, ever, especially not in front of the Asian Silver Fox,  said, “JUST ONE!” [Loud, annoying laugh.]  “HEH! I NEED JUST ONE.”  As if to say, Understand, lady? I’m a growing girl! She took a beat and smiled awkwardly before responding to my nervous laughter with MORE nervous laughter, and said, “Oh… OHHHH! GOOD FOR YOU!” as if to say, Wow, you are a fatty fatty fat fat.

I’m pretty sure the Asian Silver Fox chuckled and then the two of them made out after I left.

Pretty sure.