Disclaimer: If you are a dude, there’s really nothing for you in this entry, as it is obscenely girly. Alas, it’s NaBloPoMo, and sometimes I don’t have anything to write about except how one shade of lipstick can take you from “classic” to “slutty.”

. . .

I don’t really go shopping, per se.  My entire wardrobe and contents of my makeup tackle-box are built on the following premise: I have nothing to wear to xyz event.  I must buy something. This theory has been executed since I could dress myself . I need a new outfit for the roller skating party, homecoming game, frat party. Eventually, there are enough events to supply me with clothes for a given season.  But I couldn’t tell you the last time I went shopping, “just to look around.”  It depresses me to browse without being able to buy - the mark of an Only Child Princess, no doubt.

This afternoon, I traversed the northside for two things:

ONE. L”Occitane’s Almond Shower Oil (Huile DE DOUCHE!!!)

Once again turning my tub into the TUB OF DEATH.

TWO: A matte red lipstick.

A few weeks ago I was looking for a pinky nude lipstick and grabbed the wrong color from behind the tester. It was “rum-raisin,” but I didn’t hate it.   I am a late riser, which doesn’t leave me a lot of time for makeup, but with the bolder lip I felt more put together. Thinking I needed to upgrade to a truer red but feeling rather intimidated,  I set out with a mantra (”Life is short. Wear the red lipstick.”).  I’m not sure how many of you wear a classic red, but it is VERY tricky to find one that isn’t “TOO” something — too magenta-y, too brownish, too shiny, too glittery, too dry, TOO SLUTTY.

But I digress.  I went to the Fashion Mall for those two items. For those of you who don’t live in Indianapolis, there are two major malls on the northeast side - Castleton Square Mall and the Fashion Mall.  Both are fabulous, but the two are worlds apart.

Castleton Square Mall = JCPenney.  High School kids dropped off by their moms.  Forever 21.

Fashion Mall = Saks 5th Avenue.  Botoxed cougars.  Tiffany & Co.

As you might expect, I rarely hit up the Fashion Mall because it is filled with delicious temptations, like ANTHROPOLGIE DEAR GOD I WANT TO EAT THEIR ENTIRE INVENTORY I LOVE IT SO. Miraculously, I practiced amazing restraint by staying out of that place. And yet? I spent a third of my paycheck today, mostly on things that will be washed off at the end of the day. Something weird happened: I started SHOPPING. With money that I should be saving for, oh, I don’t know, A PLACE TO LIVE.

I have a feeling that with eating healthier and not stuffing my feelings, I’m just transferring my addictions to retail. First clue:  the weird rush I got in Sephora, with all the fragrances and glosses and primers and mascaraaaasss.  Which is weird, because I typically buy crap makeup at CVS, as it’s across the street from my house.  But today, after an hour of smelling perfume-soaked sample sticks and painting an endless rainbow of eyeshadows on my hand, I had a “BEING A GIRL IS SO RAD!” moment. It was very Flower Drum Song.

REFERENCE:

(Link to video)

Soooo I went a little overboard today. I won’t go into it because it’s kind of excessive and horrible.  Just remember to ooh and aah when I whip out my Dior lipstick, because it cost like twenty-five bucks. (Oh God. I spent $25 on lipstick.) Also? I bought an solid orange scarf, as well as a printed orange scarf.  As if I needed two orange scarves. AS IF I NEEDED ANY MORE SCARVES, PERIOD.

It’s hard to tell the difference between buyer’s remorse and straight up Catholic guilt.