Last night, I thought I would treat myself to a Jimmy John’s Beach Club, no tomato.  I pulled into the parking lot, grabbed by purse, and then watched in horrific slow motion as I locked my keys in my car WITH THE CAR RUNNING.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking I’m the type of flighty girl that does that a lot.  I’ll have you KNOW, READER, that I haven’t locked my keys in my car since that one time at the beach in Grand Haven like seven years ago. I had just gotten my new system installed, thus negating the warning beeps when you open the door with the lights on or the keys still in the ignition.  I was dependent on the dinging, but I have ADAPTED since then. Okay yeah no. I still left my lights on and drained my battery more times than I can count.  But that old Kenwood deck sure does make pretty colors.

Anyway. By some grace of God, I had left my window rolled down ever-so-slightly that one could reach in and flip the lock.  And by “one” I mean, “someone with an arm skinnier than mine.” I knew if I had a hanger or a..stick..or something, I’d be fine.

I walked into the Jimmy John’s and embarrassingly start my story, prefacing the whole thing with, “I’m going to order a Beach Club, but first….” The manager pointed to a cop seated next to the counter.  “You’ve got the perfect guy right here.”  The cop didn’t look up.

“Ex…excuse me,” I say softly.  “Do you have, like, a slim jim or something?”

“I don’t have a lockout kit,” were his first words.

Whoa, dude. I realized I’m totally interrupting your enjoyment of the Turkey Tom you got there, but I’m kind of a lady.  In distress.

I tried to explain to the cop that I just needed some sort of tool to reach the lock. I kept making size gestures with my hands.  “I just need something this long.”

“I don’t have anything like that.”

HEH. YEAH, I BET YOU DON’T.

Luckily, the manager came out to assess the situation, and decided it could be remedied by using his skinny girl employee’s arm. But she was too busy making my Beach Club, so we jimmied the lock with a broomstick.

And everyone was a winner.  Except for that cop. Because he was an unhelpful d-bag.