(I should warn you there are parts of this that are not for the weak stomach. I mean, it’s not that bad, but I should throw it out there….I realize that’s like when Perez Hilton does that “If you are easily offended, DO NOT CLICK HERE.”)
So. Last night I fell asleep around midnight. Damon was at work until the wee hours, because they were doing some cleaning/reset thing at his store. At three in the morning, I get this call from a random number, and it’s one of his co-workers, telling me that Damon was vomiting everywhere. For some reason, I heard him say “drinking,” so in my sleepiness I assumed that my boyfriend had gone out after work, had too many beers, and needed me to pick him up.
I drove up to Noblesville in my pajamas, irked. MIFFED! Seriously, I thought, this kid owes me, BIG TIME.
I was led to the break room, and there was my man, hunched over the sink and completely green. Turns out, the co-worker I had spoken with was trying to tell me that he had NOT been drinking, he was just legitimately sick. He couldn’t walk straight, and we had to wheel him out in a wheelchair to my car. I still felt half asleep and confused, but somehow managed to find the hospital, despite having been to Noblesville say, three times in my entire life.
I’ve also never been to an emergency room; I’ve only seen them on TV. I pulled up to what looked like a ghost town of an ER and opened Damon’s door. As he is violently spewing all over the concrete, and I’m not knowing the right words to say, no one comes to help, and I think: where ARE you, McDreamy? I promised Damon I was going to get him a wheelchair and a doctor, like I was leaving a wounded soldier in a battle. “Don’t die,” I said. I ran to the registration desk and tried to explain my predicament. “My boyfriend is a dizzy, puking blob, and it’s really scary.” Completely unphased and not missing a beat, the nurse threw me a plastic dish, as if to say, “I’ve seen severed limbs, bitch. Just try not to get the puke on my newly waxed floors.”
Blah, blah, blah doctors asking questions and nurses poking needles, IVs and drugs.
Got it yet? HOW BOUT THIS?!?!
Yeah. Turns out, I’m dating Jimmy Stewart. He’s got Vertigo.
I really don’t understand it, but I guess there was fluid in his ears or a sudden turn of the head brought it on, or something. I don’t know. The doctor didn’t give out much information, honestly. I would have asked more questions, but I was slightly distracted by the young hoodlum in handcuffs brought in at 4am to get drug tested, and news of a cardiac arrest down the hall. Overall, though, the ER was a big let down, as there were no interns doing it in on-call rooms, and no helicopters blowing up.
We picked up drugs (for Damon), and a southern chicken biscuit (for me) on the way home. We nervously laughed as I tried to stabilize him while walking from the car to the front door. But the stairs leading up to it proved to be too much, and Damon’s body did things that made not want to eat that chicken biscuit, or any food, maybe ever, again.
I bundled him up on the couch, provided various hydrators and foodstuffs at his feet so he wouldn’t have to get up, and marveled at my good-girlfriendness. I then trodded off to work, telling him that Nurse Corona would be in for the day shift.
July 1st, 2008 at 6:53 pm
Aw, good job… Vertigo is weird… I’ve heard it randomly just comes up somehow, without giving any clue it happened?
Weird…
the body is pretty impressive sometime.
My trips to the E.R. have involved me throwing up blood… *sorry for the graphic description*, taking a girl in handcuffs and shackles in because she was throwing up bright green vile… annnnnd taking another girl in handcuffs and shackles in because she had swallowed about 13 paper clips and safety pins and random other metal objects..
hmm.. maybe I should make an ER post??
ANYWAY, tell Damon to feel better soon.. and tell Corona to sleep in the sink like a cute little kitty.
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July 1st, 2008 at 10:51 pm
Just like Damon to get fucking VERTIGO!
You’re right, ERs aren’t nearly as exciting as the TV makes them out to be.
Also, I’m proud to say I got the answer from the first picture!
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July 2nd, 2008 at 9:00 am
WHOA, you should definitely do an ER post.
Damon’s feeling better already, so your good vibes must have worked.
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July 2nd, 2008 at 9:02 am
You know, I was really excited to post a picture of Jimmy Stewart running from that plane, and then I realized that was North By Northwest. I’m glad other people have Hitchcock appreciation, though.
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July 2nd, 2008 at 9:08 am
Well, I didn’t figure he was sick from hanging from that plane.:P
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July 2nd, 2008 at 9:09 am
^ That was me.
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July 2nd, 2008 at 10:05 am
that’s all i’ve got. I thought you had to be atop a spiral staircase or something to get vertigo. His coworkers must have thought he was posessed. dang.
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July 2nd, 2008 at 3:43 pm
Meant to tell you that Vertigo is one of my all time favorite moves. At least Damon contracted a famous disease!
Bess
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July 3rd, 2008 at 10:58 am
I hope he turns into Jimmy Stewart and tell me things like how he wants to lasso the moon and pull it down.
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July 4th, 2008 at 4:01 am
is that what you want Jenn? you want the moon? Ill grab a lasso and put it on corona and you can take her for a walk and you will forget everything…..
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July 7th, 2008 at 9:51 am
FACT: Vertigo was on tv on the 4th and refused to leave the house till it was over.
FACT: This proves I am a total loser.
Bess
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