“She’s Every Woman,” Garth Brooks.
Y’all didn’t think I listened to country? I’ll have you know I went through that Garth-loving hysteria, just like all my classmates in middle school. It was a phase of liking music everyone liked, and since I missed the NKOTB phase (I was just getting into Sgt. Pepper), I thought I’d go along with the crowd. That’s why my iTunes has random karaoke classics like Alan Jackson’s “Chattahoochee.” Anyway, Garth sings, “she’s a stroll through Christmas lights,” and I think that’s pretty fucking fantastic.

“Something,” The Beatles.
Oh, Patti Boyd. While George Harrison later claimed Something was not written for Patti, you totally know it was.  Even if it wasn’t, she allegedly inspired Eric Clapton’s Layla, Bell-Bottom Blues, and Wonderful Tonight, so she must be one helluva broad. Every time I hear these songs, I think about her and wonder if I could just hang out with her for a day, if some ”muse”ness would rub off.

“She,” Elvis Costello.
Shit. Just now discovered that Elvis Costello did NOT write this song.  Sad.  Anyway,  “She may be the reason I survive, the why and wherefore I’m alive”?? Yes please, I’ll take two.

“Something in the Way She Moves,” James Taylor
Although present-day James Taylor totally looks like somebody’s dad, early 1970s James Taylor was gorgeous, and I would have easily given it up in an all-night, heroin-induced stupor. (Wait, what?)  And the fact of the matter is, fellas, if you whip out an acoustic and play this song for me, I will sleep with you.  Well, I will at least consider it. Heavily.

“I Was Made to Love Her,” Stevie Wonder.
Stevie in ‘67, on Motown Records. There are a few reasons this song is great. 1) The way he describes his parents disdain for this relationship as “my father disapproved it/my mama booohoooed it.”   2) He was MADE to love her, build his WHOLE WORLD AROUND HER. 3) YEAH, YEAH, YEAAAAAAH.

(Sidenote: Jimi Hendrix WICKED impromptu jam on this song on the BBC WITH STEVIE ON DRUMS.  Aaaand go.)

“She’s Got a Way,” Billy Joel.
Hands-down winner in the category of Songs I’d Most Like to Have Written About Me.  Doesn’t get any better than this.  This song has also single-handedly scewed my perpective on relationships, because I am now waiting for a man to look at me the way Billy Joel looked at…well, whomever this song was written for.  (Elle MacPherson, allegedly.)  Do the themes in this song even exist in real life? I don’t know. But I’ll keep waiting.