I was in a great Christmas pageant when I was eight called Three Wee Kings: A Christmas Music Fantasy.

The synopsis: In this imaginative children’s Christmas musical, talking stars, lions, lambs and shepherds all think that the King of Kings will be one of their own kind, since the Bible calls Him ‘the Bright and Morning Star,’ ‘the Lion of Judah,’ ‘the Lamb of God,’ and ‘the Good Shepherd.’ Three very small kings discover the true King of Kings, a tiny baby, and tell everyone the news. ‘

You cannot go wrong with little kids dressed up as barnyard animals, displaying the handiwork of their mother’s painstaking paper-plate and dyed-cotton-ball craftiness.  I, however, was not an animal. I was a star. NATCH - I was THE star.

I was the Star of Bethlehem.

I remember the day in choir when we auditioned for roles.  And by “auditioned,” I mean we stood in line to read passages out of the script.  The kids who could read were promptly given a speaking role while those who had to sound-it-out were kicked to the chorus line. (That’s showbiz.)  Me, I was always a good reader….but I was also very shy. (Hard to believe, but true.) Inside I was wishing, praying that I would not have to speak in front of the whole church. I just wanted to be a lamb or a lion or something that involved blending into the background with everyone else.  I even PURPOSEFULLY messed up, because all of my fellow students were having troubles and I thought they would resent me if I got read through the lines flawlessly.

I ended up with the Star of Bethlehem role, which had the most speaking lines in the whole damn show.  Most of my lines revolved around how Jesus was, like, obviously going to be a star, because the BIBLE SAYS.  All it took was someone to say, “Actually, Star, it’s a metaphor. Don’t take it so literally, yeesh.” But then you couldn’t have great diaglogue like, “I have one question.” “Shoot.” “Never tell a star to shoot!” (Those are the only lines I can remember.)

My costume was a huge cardboard star (about my size) that was spraypainted green. It had silver trim and was doused in silver glitter.  There was a hole for my head to fit through and it dug into my neck.  To express that I was “in the sky,” I climbed up on a little step ladder.  I remember delivering my lines okay, but I looked down the entire time.  But there was much singing and dancing, and I haven’t been in, or seen, any Christmas pageant that will top it.  The video? Hilarious. I am so breaking it out when I come home for Christmas.