I am crabby.  I went to Trader Joe’s this morning and wanted to punch the cashier in the balls.

First of all —  I had just been to Marsh and witnessed their lack of any produce standard for their avocados.  But from experience, Joe’s has this nice little four-pack at a good price, and they ripen within a couple days.  Hooray.  So I go in, pick up the avocados, and head straight to the checkout so I didn’t get distracted by all the other organic goodies.

“That’s all?” said the cashier.
“That’s all.” I said.  Awkward overly-cheery tone.
“That’s it? You’re going to have to go back and pick up some more food.”
“Haha.” Courtesy laugh. At this point, I am not in the mood to spar with this hippie.
(Sidenote: Are they trained to do this? Last time I was in the store, the girl commented on how “little” I bought, even though it was at least $30 worth of food.)
“These won’t even be good for what, a couple da–”
“– one or two days, yeah.” Shutthefuckup, shutthefuckup.
He waits for my card to process.
“…Did you just do a big grocery shopping trip, and just needed this one thing?”

[IT'S NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS?!]

“…Yeah. The avocados they had were obscene. Really mushy.”
“But you know what? If people keep buying from them, that’s the standard they’ll keep putting out.”
“Yup.”

Fuck you! Can YOU give me 2348234 cans of tomatoes for $4? No you cannot, Trader Joe’s.  And sometimes? Sometimes, Trader Joe’s, I like to buy processed cheeses, and artificial sweetners, and foods containing high fructose corn syrup. And you’re not going to make me feel bad about it.

In sum, Guy’s Poor Attempt at Small Talk + PMS = blogging about it! I do not normally get this worked up over such things.  Like yesterday,  for example, I was checking out of Walgreens with dish soap (and only that one item), and the cashier says, as the transaction is over and he’s handing the bag to me, “…washing dishes?”  And I just laughed at him, because, really, just don’t say anything at all, buddy.  We don’t have to do this.