Amazon.com: Welcome back, Jennifer.

Me: Hi Amazon.com.

Amazon.com: How are you enjoying The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath?

Me: Very well, thank you. You were spot on with that recommendation!

Amazon.com: You’re welcome. Let’s see what else I can recommend for you…how about The Concert for Bangladesh DVD?

Me: No thanks, I have that already.

Amazon.com: Oh. What about Exorcising Your Ex: How to Get Rid of the Demons of Relationships Past?

Me: Wait…what?

Amazon.com: Remember that one time, when you ordered Kiss Off: Poems to Set You Free? And The Hell with Love: Poems to Mend a Broken Heart?

Me: One time! Jesus! That was four years ago! I was going through a fucking break up!!

Amazon.com: Sure you don’t need 101 Poems That Could Save Your Life: An Anthology of Emotional First Aid?!

Me: Fuck you, Amazon.com. Fuck. You.