So…that was anti-climatic, huh?

Not getting the job offer at Starcom took me right back to not getting into Northwestern when I was seventeen.  (Maybe the state of Illinois has it out for me, I don’t know.) There’s so much hype and anticipation, and the waiting only makes you want it more, makes you think you deserve it more than anyone else.  When the rejection finally rolls around, it skips the slap in the face and goes straight to the sucker punch.

The difference is, when I was declined by Northwestern, I had three other colleges as options. (Indiana, Michigan State, and Wisconsin).
Another important difference: when I was declined by Northwestern, I did not have the option of drowning my sorrows. (champagne, grapfruit juice, and absolut).

So I had that going for me, which was nice.

Things That Are Hard to Deal With:

1.) Giving Good Interview. (Heh.)
My goal was to interview so well that when/if I got rejected, I would feel like I did my absolute best and not freak out about it. A crock of shit, that is. I interviewed the fuck out of that interview and now I am left wondering how the hell I’m supposed to get “back up on the horse” when I was riding it like a fucking pro, what’s wrong with this fucking horse, is this horse fucking retarded?
2.) Being an Only Child and Feeling Like You’re Constantly Proving Yourself to Your Parents.
My parents came to visit last month and we spent an afternoon at the Tibetan Cultural Center.  I watched as my father took pictures of one of the Tibetan monuments and as we were walking up the pebbled path he said, “I think they’re going to give you the job, myself.” And I smiled, because it seemed like in that moment, I was content; everything was right.
3.) Knowing That a Group of People, Three Hundred Miles Away, Determined That Other People Were Better Than You
I was upset about not getting the job, because it was what I really wanted to do, and it was probably THE best company for what I wanted to do.  But I know in terms of THE JOB, I’ll find something else. It’s fine.  What I found so hard to swallow (obviously not vodka) was the REJECTION.   If I had totally blown the interview, the rejection would be painful, but more expected: “Oh, I didn’t get the job. Whoever got it probably didn’t puke on the interviewer’s shoes.”  But I HAD the questions ahead of time.  I had prepared good, thorough responses.  I smiled, and laughed, and shook hands firmly. But the applicants that got offers had something that I didn’t have, and I don’t know what that something is, because I gave my best, and my best wasn’t good enough, and that? Is ridiculously painful.
4.) The Waterfall of Self-Hatred Upon Realization of 1,2, and 3
If I am busy, which is most of the time, I am just fine.  But sometimes, when I am alone, and it’s quiet, I silently hate myself more than I have in a long time.  Seriously, I haven’t hated myself this much since high school.

Things That Make Me Feel Better:
1.) Friends giving their support.
Thank you guys so much for being there for me. I know I didn’t respond to comments on the last post, but I needed to stay away from the internets for a while because I was so freakin’ mopey.  You guys are the best and DEFINITELY made me feel better.
2.) The Lox and Croissant Bennie at The Runcible Spoon. (home of one of the Travel Channel’s Top Ten Bathrooms!)
A toasted croissant with Nova salmon topped with two eggs with Hollandaise sauce.  In my TOP FIVE BREAKFASTS of all time. Have one with a mimosa.
3.) Chocolate Teddy Grahams  dipped in vanilla frosting.
Okay, sometimes just a spoonful of frosting.
4.) Damon: “Did you see the picture of the buttfor on the internet?”
Jenn: “What’s the buttfor?”
Damon: “For pooping, silly!”