[or "What I've Missed about Cable Whilst Going Without for Six Months"
[or "Someone Kick My Ass Off the Couch and Get Me to the Gym, ASAP"]

Jeopardy…even though, 85% of the time, I will answer a) “What is Constantine?” or b) “What is the Merchant of Venice?”, regardless of actual category.

Girls Next Door…who knew Bridget was getting her SECOND Master’s degree?

Robot Chicken …bawk bawk bawk, ba bawk bawk bawk

Oprah…because why am I bitching about my life, when here’s this Asian kid, who, at eight years old, got shipwrecked trying to escape the Vietcong, and lived in this cave by befriending monkeys, before he was rescued, only to be put in a refugee camp… *bawls*

Dancing with the Stars…Ah, DWTS…I could be the moodiest, vicious bitch on the planet, and yet somehow? Dancing with the Stars pacifies me.  I can’ t explain it.

[I'm rooting for Emmitt Smith, by the way.]