So.

I’m going to be brutally honest — I haven’t been updating here because my current Life Story is so unbearably pitiful I can barely stand to live it, let alone write about it.

Also, if you use the internets but you don’t have the money to pay for it? They turn it off.

I am a mess.

And here’s why:

– Job Search of ‘06 is still ongoing and frustratingly so.  My next mission is to land a job as an assistant product manager at Sunrise Greetings (a subsidiary of Hallmark).  I spent HOURS on that damn cover letter. This is a fantastic opportunity and I just know if I can just FUCKING GET IN THERE TO INTERVIEW I could win them over. Here’s hoping.

Unless one of my big-city jobs miraculously comes through, I will be be staying in Bloomington for another year. As of July 30 I will be rendered homeless, so some big-girl decisions need to be made, asap.  Damon and I will probably be looking for apartments in the next couple days.  I have not yet informed my parents of our plans to live together in sin.

– I used change collected from the floor of my car to pay for two 99-cent double cheeseburgers — coincidentally? the only meal I had all day.  My checking account has negative dollars, which means no road trip to Chicago.  It’s a pity, because more so than the interview I was looking forward to just getting out of Bloomington for a couple.

– Best Buy: I want out.  I’ve expressed this seven ways to Sunday [is that even the right phrase?] in this journal but seriously.  It’s go time.  I pondered calling in sick today just because I couldn’t possibly stand putting in another shift.  The only thing that keeps me going are the wonderful people I work with - that’s going to be hard to leave.

– I continue to have a love-hate relationship with Bartholomew, the mouse with whom I currently co-habitate.  My hippie-induced mice-repelling  phase was over as soon as I saw him scuttling across the kitchen.  Damon (being all manly) attempted to catch it in a bag…

“What are you gonna do if you catch it?” I shrieked, perched safely in the middle of my bed.
“I’ll take it outside and let it go,” he coolly replied.
“Whhaaat? NOOOO! If you don’t release it at least a mile from the house, it will find it’s way back inside!”
(The internet has made me an expert on mice.)
“What do you suggest I do, then?”
“I dunno…can’t you, like, suffocate it in the bag and bang it up against the wall to kill it?”

This is what fear does, people.

– The newest edition to My Adventures in Self-Disappointment? ENVY.  I am proud of my friends who have have found jobs, have been promoted, have been really satisfied with the way their post-graduation life has unfolded thus far.  But I am envious.  Resentful, too.

See, the thing is, the first twenty-some years of my life?  Breezed through those.  School came easily, I got leads in school theatre, I scored some awkward high school dates — all was well.  Throw in some ol’ Only Child complex. [Ask my parents!  I am the Greatest!] College? Piece of cake.  Suddenly, I am slapped with a Quarter-Life Crisis:  since when do I suck at life?

Jenn: Mr. Employer Man, could your company benefit from an energetic, out-of-the-box thinker with a penchant for all things marketing?
Mr. Employer Man:  . . . . . .
Jenn: Perhaps you could be persuaded by THISSSS?? **whips out college degree seductively folded in cleavage**
Mr. Employer Man: Do you have 3-5 years experience?
Jenn: Sir, I spent the past 3-5 years of my life getting THISSSS **runs tongue over degree**
Mr. Employer Man: Thank you for your interest. We’ll get back to you.
Jenn:  Well,  do you have a dollar, at least?  I haven’t eaten today.