I’m looking down on 7th and Walnut at bar-goers stumbling out of Kilroy’s Sports.  Tonight, many are in costume: a slutty angel, a man in drag, Fratty McFrat-Frat…

Me, I’m dressed up as “Music dork in glasses and cashmere cardigan, working an overnight shift.”

Jenn, on the Job Search.

I’m finding that, when you work 50-some hours a week, the energy to find another job escapes you.  When I get off work, I just want to slip into draw string pants and eat a piece of cheesecake.  The true motivation comes when you can’t find any inspiration in the consumer public [Best Buy] and the 4 am radio hour is just so damn lonely [WTTS].  I need another job, but that involves taking a step and starting over.  Draw string pants and cheesecake is so much fuckin’ easier.

And speaking of growing up: can all the twenty-somethings who feel like they are in some black hole between college and adulthood please stand up?  I was warned about this.  You’ll feel disillusioned, they said.  I can glance around a bar of college co-eds and roll my eyes at their intentions.  And yet, you could put me in a room of adults and I would feel terribly out of place: I feel like I’ve just been let out of the gate.  I truly relate to very few people nowadays, and I think these are the ones who, too, retain this weird inner combo of optimism/cynicism as a result of being a “betweenie.”

I’m really starting to suspect that I feel such things more deeply than most.  By that, I know other people feeeeel the feeling, but I’ve come to accept that I’m such a sensitive little bitch that everything I feel strikes such a deep chord.  It has to be this big painful, dramatic issue in my mind.  I’m aware of it.  I just can’t stop it.

Jenn, on Recent Birthday Wishes

Happy (belated) Birthday to  aka Jess aka BFF!!! I hope you had fun turning deuce-deuce, I love you. It seemed like only yesterday that you started your 21st celebration like this:

And ended it like this:

And some girl laughed at you.

Yesterday I spent a birthday with  aka Eddie, whose picture I am totally hotlinking. Happy birthday.

And yes, that *is* a Livejournal shirt.  You can read his account of the day right here, where you can also see my crazy work friends and a first-ever picture of me and Damon, the cuteness of which is completely counteracted by me looking gross in every subsequent picture.  Enjoy.

Jenn, on Relationships.

Today I looked out onto the ledge of my bathroom window and watched this ladybug as if it was the most beautiful thing on earth.  After about five minutes of taking in this breathtaking work of Mother Nature, I caught myself and yelled,

“OH MY GOD, YOU HAVE TURNED INTO SUCH A FUCKING SAP.”

I think I finally gave myself permission to really care about someone again, and as a result I am drowning in these great feelings for which I’ve held my breath for so long.  Ironic – it’s a great relief to allow yourself that feeling, when you’ve been preventing it — that point where you accept that you can potentially lose, and if you did, it would hurt, really badly.  And when you’re that vulnerable, it causes you to sigh at one ladybug on a damn windowsill.  I do still scold myself (not all cynicism is lost).  But I know it’s about time for the freefall.